Thursday, October 08, 2015

When "This Many" Becomes Too Many

Remember how when you were little you counted every month of your age? Or your kids did when you had them? Five wasn't just five unless it was your birthday. It was five and three quarters because you wanted everyone to know you were "growing up." And then in college you convinced your roommate to "lose" her license so she could go get a new one and give you her "lost" one? (That wasn't me, it was my roommate. And I did do it. And we went to the same place at the same time and nobody ever noticed. But don't try this at home.)

There are also other milestones you pass. Like you get to the age where married men hit on you instead of boys with acne. Or you become to kids what is really old, like 28. Or you become that parent who can't believe your kid was ever as small as whatever baby you pass by.

And that's pretty much when you don't add quarters or halves or anything to your age. And then something really weird happens. At least it has to me. I now notice just how much older I am. Or I remember the movies celebrating 25 years and I think it couldn't have been that long ago because it was just like a couple of years ago and then I remember how old my kid is and that was before she was born or before I was married or before I had any idea of who I would marry because I imagined my life completely differently.

Which brings me to my list. This is a list of things/people younger than me.

1. John Lennon was 40 when he died. Younger than me.
2. Elvis was 42. Still younger than me.
3. I am probably as old as Mrs. Robinson was when she seduced Benjamin Braddock, but I am older than Anne Bancroft was when she played her.
4. I was in high school when Fox (the channel) started. That means that no matter how many more seasons there are of The Simpsons, I'll always be older than Bart.
5. I was born before Picasso died. He was born in 1881.
6. I played video games when they were cool.
7. I wanted my MTV because there was no reality TV.
8. I'm two years older than Kennedy was when he was elected president.
9. Princess Diana was 36 when she died. I watched both her wedding and that of her first son. And cried watching her funeral.
10. The Hackey Sack, post-its, and liposuction were all invented after I was born.

There really isn't a point to any of this. But if you want to make me feel better by telling me you're older than me, I'll take it.


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