Highway Clowns

D: When I'm famous I want to have rodeo clowns carry my stuff for me.
Me: Rodeo clowns??
D: Isn't that what you said?
Me: Roadies? I said roadies. (followed by uproarious laughter)
D: I thought you said clowns. Shut up.
Me: Why clowns? Who wants a bunch of clowns following them around?? It's roadies. As in R-O-A-D. Because they're on the road with you.
D: Okay, fine. Stop laughing. I get it.
Me: No, maybe you should have clowns. It makes more sense for you.
D: Stop it.

A Very Important Debate

A friend and I had a very serious conversation yesterday. These are the real issues, people! Pay attention!

Me: My salad has walnuts and I am sick to death of walnuts. I am. At least these are candied.
Cashew-hater: Walnuts are awesome. Don't knock the walnuts.
Me: I did. I am. Walnuts are retarded and useless.
CH: Uh huh. If any nut is retarded, it's probably the cashew.
Me: WHAT????? I love cashews!!! How dare you!
CH: Are you serious? Look at them, all curled and wrinkly-looking.
Me: And delicious!!!
CH: Eh, they're ok. Nowhere near as good as walnuts.
Me: And curled? Walnuts are wrinklly!!
CH: Walnuts look like brains, which is awesome. Cashews kind of look like deflated balloons.
Me: They look like little smiles.
CH: lol. On a demented clown maybe!
Me: Seriously? You're comparing a cashew to a clown? You have some deep-seated issues, my friend.
CH: Oh, tell me about it.
Me: This is getting blogged, you know.
CH: Yeah, I figured. What will my pseudonym be?
Me: What would you like it to be? Cashew-hater?
CH: hah Sure. Knock yourself out. 

As you wish.
And cashews are better.
The End.