Lessons Learned at the Oregon Coast

I went on a little couple's retreat to the coast over the weekend. Actually it was kind of a family retreat since the puppies went along and left little room in the bed for us. Whatever. It's my favorite way to sleep.

Here are a few things I learned while I was there.

1. Rocks can be slippery and it hurts when one falls on them. However, I didn't bruise. Maybe I just don't have anymore blood.

2. Sea lions look like they're all best buddies when they're curled up together but they're constantly growling and biting at each other. They're nasty.

3. An excellent breakfast can't be duplicated when you order a different meal the next day. How are eggs and potatoes supposed to measure up to the best burrito ever? Also, it's good to get the one thing on the menu that sounds weird as a breakfast item. Like ham and asparagus crepes. Yum. With brandy sauce. Extra yum.

4. Ruby cares much more about her brother than she lets on. Remy wasn't feeling well after drinking salt water (duh) and spent the drive home shaking and acting pathetic. We covered him with a blanket but Ruby snuggled right up next to him to help keep him warm and comforted. She wouldn't even leave him to come snuggle with me.

5. Tables of Content is the best place for dinner on the coast. More on that later.

6. Not all clam chowders are created equal. Some of them aren't even any good. At all.

7. Traveling with dogs is awesome. They have the joy of discovery like small children without the whining or dirty diapers.

Things I Did This Weekend. For Anyone Who Remotely Gives a Shit.

I went to a friend's house and drank Bloody Marys while watching trash TV and using her dryer because my POS is broken. It got borked. I got a little borked because I'm a baby drinker now after having vertigo and barely drinking for a month. The corn nuts made up for it. So did the bacon pizza.

I watched my Bugabooga sing at the Roots Festival. I was so nervous for her because this was her first real public performance (because a school choir in front of a bunch of other parents doesn't really count) but then she said she didn't care because only "old people" showed up, her friends weren't there and she had a cold so she didn't feel like it. She did mess up one part of the first song, but it wasn't a big deal and she kept playing. I thought she sounded so beautiful and, if I wasn't so focused on trying to record her on my little camera without shaking all over the place, I would have been a heap of tears and kleenex on the floor. She just fit up there. Like she'd just been doing it forever. She had instant groupies.

Drove to Portland and back in a day to take the Singing Diva clothes shopping. She agreed to try on more of what I showed her than completely rejecting my suggestions so I feel we have made progress. Also, her style is more Bohemian/Classic Hepburn than anything resembling Jersey Shore Skank, so I feel I've done my job in that department. We ate crab fondue, which was the most sensually satisfying experience I've had in months except I had to contain myself with Sesame Street words like "oh, this is yummy" instead of taking the bowl into a back room and rolling around in it. It was a close call with the mashed potatoes too.

The drive back was anything but orgasmic. It was dark and raining and I was stuck behind a trailer. Seriously, Oregon drivers are the biggest dumbasses. There are turnouts every quarter mile for a reason, fuck puppet!! He was just lucky I still had some of my chocolate shake left to tame my road rage.

I bought a pair of Dr. Seuss Converse for me and Halloween pajamas for my dogs. And I wasn't embarrassed to do either. Just a typical walk on the wild side.